4th of July

This year was our first year at taking the kids out for the 4th of July. I was more curious to see how Kenna did than Griff. First, we went to the Big Bang on the 3rd with the in-laws. It was really foggy so after about 10 minutes of fireworks we couldn't see anything with the smoke and fog blocking the views. She was a little upset when they first started but she rallied and enjoyed them for a few minutes. She was able to see the colors of them and heard the loud pops. Then when the smoke and fog blocked the colors both kids got antsy so we ditched.

On the 4th we went to a friend's bbq. Before we left for more fireworks all the kids got to do some sparklers. I know there is a huge debate on whether or not to let your kid hold a sparkler but all the kids did great. I held them for the kids to look at. Griff was pretty uninterested. Kenna seemed to like looking at them. Then we went with the other 3 families to watch the fireworks. We were not as close to these ones and I wondered how much she would be able to see. Turns out she couldn't see anything. She kept asking when they were starting and when I told her they did and she just couldn't see them she started crying. It broke my heart. Its the first on a long list of things she won't be able to experience. Its very heartbreaking to go through the list in my mind of all the amazing sights in the world that she'll never get to fully experience. I try to focus on all the things she can do and is doing but once and a while I get a thought like that and have to hold back the tears. Will this happen forever? Will I always want to cry over the lack of sights she will see? Once I explained to her that she can hear the loud booms she seemed to calm down and listen for them. I know she won't know the difference at 4 but it still hurts. Just thinking of all the disappointment she will have to go through in her life is hard for me. I'm the mom and I just want to make sure my kids are happy and enjoying life. She seems like she will be the kid to make the best of everything so hopefully it won't be as hard. But I'm sure there will be times she is upset because she isn't "normal". Hell every kid/teenager goes through that. I just worry. Its what I do. She seemed very excited about the happenings of the 36 hours we had. She made sure to tell us everything we did on the car ride home and was genuinely content with the fireworks. Hopefully she will continue to look at the positives and roll with the punches as she grows up. But just hearing her excitedly tell me about everything we did was a reminder of how she remembers the fun times and not the sad times. More people should be like that. My 4 year old is already teaching life lessons.